Gone
by ILoveStana1
Summary: Kate just disappeared without telling anyone something. Rick gets a package with a letter and a diary from Kate. "In the diary is everything you need to know about what happened. Maybe you will find me one day." Is he able to find her? AU
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, only the diary. **

**AN: Well, this idea hit me after I dreamed about a diary. And to get it out of my head I had to write it down so here you go!**

**Enjoy!**

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Castle was just writing when there was a knock on the door. He opened and there was a delivery guy holding a package out to him. Castle looked confused, he hadn't ordered anything. Maybe his mother or Alexis had. He signed for the package and took it with him inside.

"Alexis! Mother! Did you order something?!" he yelled so they hear him.

In union they yelled back, "No!"

Well then he would open it to see what it was. He sat down on the couch with a sigh. He smelled a gross smell and found out that _he_ smelled like that. He hadn't showered in four days. He couldn't enter the bathroom without thinking about Kate.

Kate was missing since the begin of the week. He missed her so much… She had just disappeared from one day to the other. There was nothing found in her apartment and they had no leads. The case wasn't closed yet but he knew they would soon if they didn't find any new leads.

He opened the package, in the box was a letter with something beneath it. He took the letter and turned it around. _Castle_ stood there written in a familiar handwriting. He opened the letter and read.

_Hey there Castle,_

_When you get this package I will probably be gone. In the diary which is in the box is everything you need to know about what happened. _

_Maybe one day you will find me, I hope you do._

_Love, Kate_

He frowned his eyebrows, what the heck? He lifted the brown book and Kate's name was written on the front. He felt bad to open it, it was a diary, people write secrets in it. He felt like a betrayer when he lifted the cover but he wanted to know what had happened to her.

He turned to the first page and started to read.

_Today I got the first call, I had no idea what it was about but the weird voice explained it to me. I was investigating a case that had woke up things that shouldn't had been woken up. It was connected with my mother's case, at that moment I knew this was going to end bad. He told me to not do stupid things, they were watching me 24/7. I could feel eyes on me from then on. I could feel an unwanted presence with every step I took. It felt like there was a ghost in my apartment which was hunting me. Even when I'm writing this I can feel eyes staring at me, it's like they can read it with me. I didn't feel safe anymore here so I decided to go to Castle. When I took the car it was like everyone around me stared at me, every car that pulled up at the same time or took the same direction was something that frightened me. I rushed to Castle's loft and crushed in. I leaned against the door and tried to get my breath under control. The door of his office opened and he came out. He had a worried look in his face and it made my heart clench. He asked me what was wrong and I just attacked him. Wanting to forget. But while we were in the bedroom I could feel them watching. _

Castle breathed out, he didn't know he held his breath in but clearly he had. He remembered that day, she started to act weird.

He felt even worse now he had read that, he had broken up with her a day before she disappeared because she was acting weird. It was like she was running away from him but now he understood. How could he be so stupid! He should have known something was wrong! Maybe then she wasn't gone right now! He threw the diary through the room and hit the couch hard.

He covered his face with his hands. 'Oh Kate… Where the hell are you…?' he hit the couch again, hearing his finger cracking. His drink stood on the table in front of him. He lifted it up and threw it against the wall. How could he! How could he break up with her! How hadn't he seen there was something wrong!

Alexis came running down the stairs, "Dad?!" she screamed at him in shock.

He turned around, anger in his eyes. He was angry at himself for not understanding, for not knowing.

"Dad what is wrong? I know you miss Kate but do you have to break everything?" Alexis said with tears in her eyes.

Then he saw it, Alexis missed her too. Kate had been like a mother to her since they got together.

"I'm sorry sweetheart…" He whispered and wrapped his arms around her.

She buried her face in his chest, her tears making wet circles on his shirt. He softly rubbed her back and there fell a few tears down. After a little while they both felt a new pair of arms around them. Martha was hugging them both, there were also a few tears in her eyes.

To distract them he had put on a movie, Finding Nemo. Even watching that movie hurt, it was Kate's favorite. Only he knew that, she was too ashamed that she had never told anyone before.

Everything reminded him of her. Every centimeter of his loft reminded him. He could almost smell her, the cherry and vanilla smell hanging in the air. He wandered through the loft, softly stroking her picture. He found one of her shirts that she had left there when they broke up. He sat on his bed, hearing the sounds of the movie. He buried his face in her shirt, breathing her smell in. He fell back on his bed, her shirt in his hands. He cried without sound. He cried because he had lost her but most because he understood that he will never see her again.

At least, that's what he thought. Maybe he will see her again…

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**AN: Good enough for a chapter 2? I doubt it ^^" **

**Reviews are wonderful, you should write one! **

**:) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, never will.**

**AN: well chapter two… no idea why I even continued. Maybe because of the sweet reviews ^^**

**For the two reviewers who said that Castle should be doing anything to find her, I assure you, that will happen. Only not yet. **

**Enjoy**

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Kate was standing on a cliff, a guy had a gun pointed at her head. He stood there watching the event happen but he couldn't move, it was like he was caught in a bubble that didn't let him out whatever he tried. He screamed, he couldn't do anything and that drove him crazy.

Suddenly he heard a gunshot and he saw Kate falling over the edge of the cliff. He screamed and cried, the man turned to him and pointed his gun at him, he heard another gunshot…

He sat straight up in bed, breathing hard and sweating. He ripped his shirt of and threw it somewhere in the room. Slowly his breath came back to normal. 'It was just a dream' he thought.

It was 1 am and he stood up and walked out his bedroom. The TV was still on and the light lit the room up a bit. He grabbed her diary from the floor and sat on the couch again.

Finding Nemo had ended but was still on the screen. He took the remote and let it play again. While the movie was playing he searched the right page from where he left off.

_I can feel them watch, the whole day I have the feeling someone is standing behind me, walking behind me even sleeping next to me. Maybe it is just my imagination, maybe they just wanted to scare me to leave it alone but something isn't right. There is something about the way they responded when we investigated the case. Why would they go after me? I know that it has a connection with my mother's case but I hadn't found out if they just hadn't contacted me. It just looked like a normal case, well no case is normal but you understand what I mean. I have no idea what is going to happen next, maybe they will call again, maybe I will never hear from the again._

It was hard to read this, she was right. Why go after her? They had closed the case as 'Party gone wrong' all the evidence went in that way. Why contact her when she didn't even know that there was a connection?

He turned the page and started to read again.

_Today they called again, they wanted to see me. I am scared, scared for what I will see, hear or what they will do to me. I don't know who is behind this, I know it isn't Bracken because I can destroy him with just a few words so who is it? I have to be at the alley where my mom died at 5 pm, from there on they would take me t 'a place somewhere safe'. Of course I don't believe them. This I probably the scariest thing I have ever done or will ever have to do. So I will go there, if I don't come they will hurt Rick and I can't do that to him, nor to this family. I will tell him I need to grab some fresh clothes and then meet him at his loft. But I will go and see them. I need to know what happened._

It hit him hard, she protected him with her own life. She protected his family from them. Why hadn't she told him?

He had so many questions, but no answers.

_I have met them, it is a woman, which I didn't expect. She told me that I needed to do something for her. If I just did what I was asked they will leave me alone, maybe. I couldn't risk Rick's life nor his family or my friends so I agreed. I wish I never had done that. They want me to kill someone, someone powerful in the underworld. When I had done that dominos were going to fall and they couldn't been stopped. She told me that I had to be ready tomorrow. Tomorrow at the same place where we were today, then she would explain me how I needed to kill him and where. When I tried to crawl back she waved her hand at one of her guys and he hit me. I knew I had to do it, but I didn't want to. I still hadn't got an answer on my question; Why me?_

He stared at the letters with wide eyes, killing someone? He knew Kate couldn't do that… Right?

He felt that sleep was pulling him close and he couldn't focus on the letters anymore so he decided to sleep and continue tomorrow. He would call the boys too, to tell them about the diary. He really hoped that somewhere in this diary was the answer hidden to two questions; Why her? Where is she?

He laid the diary at his bedside table and grabbed a clean shirt. He put in on and went to lay under the thin white sheets. He looked at the diary, then his eyes wandered down the bedside table to the little drawer that was just under the top.

He opened it slowly and took one sock out. He felt in the sock and yes, it was still there. He pulled a little black box out the sock and opened it. A silver ring with a diamond was staring at him. It was supposed to be around her finger right now, he had planned on asking the day after they broke up.

He felt like an ass.

He quickly pushed the ring back in the box and closed it. He let it fall into the sock and he carefully placed the sock in his special place in the drawer.

He felt tears coming up again and he had to retain himself from not hitting the wall. He laid in bed with his hands on his face and he slowly doze off into a dreamless sleep.

Alexis had heard her father downstairs, she couldn't sleep. She had heard the muffled sounds of Nemo. She had curled up, her legs pulled up against her chest and her arms around her knees.

Tears were streaming down, this was the third woman ,that she saw as mother, who had left her alone.

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**Please let me know what you think ^^ **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

**AN: Here's chapter three. In the beginning Castle is reading but later I switch to Kate. That will happen some more until Castle gets a visitor. I dunno yet when that will happen. We will see…**

**Enjoy reading!**

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_Today I went back there, to that alley. She had been waiting for me with the rest of her group. They blindfolded me and bounded my hands behind my back with a rope. They pulled me to a car, the grip of that man was leaving marks, for sure. They pushed me with force into the van and I heard them coming in too. I had no idea if they had guns or where they were taking me. After a ride that took like 30 minutes we stopped and my blindfold was taken off. We were in a parking spot somewhere under the ground. On some places water was leaking down, forming little dark spots on the asphalt. The woman untied the knot that was holding my hands together. She walked away and I followed her to the door that was hidden somewhere in the wall. She opened the door and let me in first, with a wave of her hand the guys stood back and they took another door that probably lead to the other part of the building. For the first time the woman spook, she introduced herself. It was something I didn't want to hear, this was something I would never expected to happen. Her name was Jane. _

_We took the elevator up and when the doors slid open I saw a little office. In one corner was a safe and in the other a little desk. Under a little window was a couch and she invited me to sit down. There was an envelope on the table in front of us and she gave it to me. I opened it and pulled out a letter with the name of that guy. I had no time to think about it because she shove a file under my nose. I opened it and she explained the plan. I had to go in his building as a woman who wanted to serve him and telling all the information I had to her. _

_The next time I would see her she would have a new identity ready for me and my task should start. _

_I am scared, and maybe I can't write this anymore. Because , who knows what will happen. _

He turned the page but it was empty, she didn't wrote anymore. When did she wrote this? Maybe he had seen her after that last meeting but maybe she was dead now…

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I was terrified, Jane was waiting for me outside my apartment. How dangerous it would be, she had insisted on driving me. I had gotten a new outfit to wear, and my name wasn't Kate Beckett anymore. Now it was Emma, Emma brook. I hated the name from the moment it was out of her mouth.

I had one minute left before I had to go, so I took Rick's picture from my nightstand and stoke his frame with my finger. I felt tears coming up, not only because I was scared, but also because I was disappearing without telling him. I was risking his life right now, if they would find out who I was they would kill them. I had to be careful.

I kissed the picture and laid it down. I grabbed my last things and headed out. The elevator was down way to quickly and the door opened to fast. '_I could go back up and just stay there…'_ I thought. But I was too late, Jane had seen me. She grabbed my hand and showed me the way to her car. Nervously I got in on the passenger's side. She started the car and pulled up into the traffic. Every meter we drove closer was like hell.

She stopped two blocks away from his 'hole' as she called it.

"I see you tomorrow at two am in the alley." Was the last thing she said before she drove away.

I swallowed hard and started walking. Walking on flat shoes was weird, I felt smaller. Like a mouse was walking next to an elephant.

The neighborhood changed, there were groups of guys who stared at me. There were no cars and it smelled awful. On some places there were fires made of wood and something else that caused that smell. I could tell that a few people around here were smoking drugs and others were high or drunk.

This is a neighborhood where a cop like me didn't want to come. But I wasn't the detective now, I was Emma.

The building was grey and old, just the place you could find this kind of guys. When I arrived at the door I was stopped by an armed guy. I put on my poker face and stared at him.

"What?" He barked at me and spit right in my face.

With disgust I cleaned my face, still staring.

"I wanna see Steve." I barked back at him, hoping that I had spit on him too.

"Why would I let you in?" He stared at me, this time he didn't spit but he still spoke with the same loud voice.

I was nervous and insecure, could he see that? I showed him my gun and the package heroine I had gotten from Jane. She had said that that was the key to come in.

The guy grabbed it from my hand and inspected it, with a nod he stepped aside.

I walked in the building, everywhere were armed guys. Some were playing poker the other were playing with a gun. It looked like Russian roulette.

Jane had told me that Steve would be completely upstairs, where he could see everything that happened outside and inside with camera's. How she knew that was something I didn't want to ask.

I saw a camera hanging and I stared right into it, making sure he would have seen me. I wandered a bit through the house, I heard gunshots or people throwing up.

Suddenly the house went quiet and everyone stared at the stairs. I turned to see what was happening and there he was. Steve.

He walked down the stairs slowly, inspecting me with his eyes. I just stared back at him, not afraid anymore.

He walked in a circle around me and I just stood like a statue. The gun which was under my belt was clearly visible and Steve ripped it out. He checked my gun.

"Good gun, good looks and dangerous." He muffled and gave my gun back "So what are you doing here?"

I hold the heroine up "I want to join the party."

He laughed and I felt like a little girl, I was a bit ashamed.

"Courage, I like spicy girls."

"Am I in or what?"

"You're in" He said and grabbed the heroine "But if I get the slightest idea that you betray me or give news to someone else I will kill you" with that he turned around and went up the stairs.

I breathed out and felt that my body was shaking. Everyone went back to what they were doing before.

I felt a little pat on my shoulder and I jumped. There was a woman standing behind me, she had long black curly hair with deep red lips.

She held out her hand and I shook it, "Hi, I am Shannon."

"Hi I'm Emma"

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**Let me know what you think, continue or not?**

**See you next time, x**


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